Reunion Humor





This article appeared in the Torrance, CA "Daily Breeze", October 24, 2001

High school reunion is a time to celebrate `the invisible people'
by Richard Burton

Few things grab us by the collar and humble us as much as our high school reunions. They come back, every ten years or so, to haunt us like a ghost from the past. And maybe that's just what's so humbling about them... our youthful past is exposed once again-laid bare like an open wound, and brutally juxtaposed with our current reality.

I'm from the class of 1969. What a year. Nixon was President; the Vietnam War raged out of control; men landed on the moon; a half million young people gathered for the Woodstock Festival; the New York Mets won the World series; and gas was 35 cents a gallon.

And so, having graduated, barely, a little over 30 years ago, I have had much time to consider, ponder, meditate on, and wrestle with the reasons we even bother to go to our high school reunions. I've gone to my 10, 20, and 30-year reunions. Of course, we all stay in close touch with a few old friends that we've known since kindergarten. And we often bump into old classmates around town. But why would an otherwise sane person subject himself to such extreme scrutiny by people who you knew way back when.

First of all, things were simpler back then. I know for a fact because I have a teenager in high school today. Back then, you were either a jock or a non-jock. I suppose if you really wanted to complicate things, you could divide the non-jock category into four basic sub-divisions: The Brains; the Prom Queens; the Hoods; and the endless rabble of nameless students known simply as the Invisible People. Fortunately, most of us fit into this latter category.

I say fortunate because reunions are the great equalizer. There is a satisfying irony in finding out that the captain of the football team now has bad knees, a beer belly, and is thrice divorced. That the gal whom you thought was a goddess now looks more like the gal at the checkout counter at K-Mart. And that the star honor student who later went on to receive a Ph.D. in nuclear astrophysics, has dropped-out, moved to Oregon, and opened an ostrich farm.

Now this is the best part. Because most of us were among the Invisible People in high school, we actually held up much better over the years than our more visible counterparts, the Jocks, the Brains, the Queens, and the Hoods. Our legacy is too blurred to really hang a label on. We were diamonds in the rough. We hadn't blossomed yet. Had not reached our peak. And thus, it is all but impossible to notice a glaring difference between then and now, because we seem today, about how we seemed back in high school... only with wrinkles.

We survived high school without too much baggage, and therefore, assimilated into proper society without much difficulty. Many of the Jocks, Brains, Queens, and Hoods had a far more difficult time of it out in the "real" world in spite of their former lofty positions.

Actually, from my keen observations at these reunions, I would say that after the Invisible People, the Hoods fared best in the long run. Some had gone into the Marines after high school. That'll usually straighten a person out. Some had even done a little prison time. Ditto. But most had simply outgrown their bullish and antisocial ways. These Hoods are now, for the most part, respectable members of society, married with 2.5 kids, and coaching soccer on weekends.

But back to the undefined masses, the multitudes of us who didn't stand out. Who just did what our parents and teachers told us to do. Who simply went to class, did our homework, got a good nights sleep, and did it all again the next day for 4 long, inglorious years. All without our 15 minutes of youthful fame. Here's to the true survivors... us...the Invisible People.







Patsy Cline - She's Got You (lip sync at high school reunion)

Comments from the woman in the above video: "Re engineering it,
I learned to load props left to right and forward to back. Wore a $5 dress
from Goodwill with a belt to hold it all in. And a black tight camisole to keep
my actual "little things" in. It was a fundraiser for our school booster club
in Timberon, NM, where we live."



Tips for How to Act at
High School Class Reunions

Taken from Ann Landers advice column, June 9, 2000

1. No whining or moaning over what "might have been,"
or anything else depressing.

No one wants a pall cast over this happy event.

2. Seek out people who have made a difference in your life,
and thank them.

They will appreciate it.

3. Check your midlife crisis at the door.
No one needs to know you are having an affair
or that your spouse just left you.

4. Do not brush off anyone who wants to talk to you.
It doesn't matter whether or not you liked that person in high school. We have all changed.

5. Bring an extra hankie, and cry all you want
when you are overwhelmed by nostalgia and old friends.

Tears can be a great catharsis.

6. All responses to questions should be
at least two full sentences.

Don't be abrupt. It will make you appear snobbish.

7. Don't do too much bragging.
It puts a spotlight on your insecurities.

The best compliments are the ones you get without fishing.

8. Any remarks about your baldness, weight or wrinkles
should be countered with something humorous or self-deprecating. No offense is intended.

Sometimes, when people are surprised at the change in
the appearance of an old friend, they don't know how to deal with it,
so they try to mask their surprise with humor.

9. Be careful how you approach others. Be respectful.
Remember that you are dealing with someone's
wife, husband, mother, or father.

10. Be yourself.
We remember you from way back, and will accept you the way you are.









Class Reunions
Elizabeth Lucas

It was my class reunion, and all through the house,
I checked in each mirror and begged my poor spouse
To say I looked great, that my chin wasn't double,
And he lied through false teeth, just to stay out of trouble.
Said that 'neath my thick glasses, my eyes hadn't changed,
And I had the same figure, it was just a mite rearranged.
He said my skin was still silky, although looser in drape,
Not so much like smooth satin, but more like silk crepe.
I swallowed his words hook, sinker and line
And entered the banquet feeling just fine.
Somehow I'd expected my classmates to stay
As young as they were on that long-ago day
We'd hugged farewell hugs. But like me, through the years,
They'd added gray to their hair, or pounds to their rears.
But as we shared a few memories and retold some class jokes,
We were eighteen in spirit, though we looked like our folks.
We turned up hearing aid volumes and dimmed down the light,
Rolled back the years, and were young for the night.



Click book cover for tips on attending class reunions.



Thanks to Rick Sternoff for sharing this reunion story---


Every ten years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.

I'll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.

It was quite an affair: the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.

The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.

The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninty-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.

No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.

The boy we'd decreed 'most apt to succeed'
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted 'least' now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.

They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least.
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.

They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.

At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.

It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.

By the fiftieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.

And now I can't wait; they've set the date,
Our sixtieth is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.

Repairs have been made on my hearing aid;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.

I'm feeling quite hearty, and I'm ready to party;
I'm gonna dance 'til dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; But I just hope that there's one
Other person who can make it that night.

Author Unknown
Life is Wonderful.
Don't forget it!---Praise The Lord we've hade it this far!!!!




35 Reasons to Attend your 50th Reunion!

1. Because You Still Can!
(Life is short...Each day and milestone should be celebrated!)

2. Because you're never too cool for your high school friends.
(and you'll be missed if you do not show up!)

3.Your family is tired of hearing your stories and you want
to relive them with someone who actually cares.

4. Ummm…who else is gonna fill in the blanks to your slipping memory? Thank goodness for name tags!

5. Because you still think you have a crush on...
(umm, wait, don't think anyone can remember!)

6. If you don't show up, we'll assume you still have big/long
or even no hair. But, no one really cares about your hair!
They want to see you!

7. You know you really want to.
(it just might be fun!)   

8. Hey…Who cares if we don't fit into our old bellbottoms?
Ya gotta stay huggable! Friends just want to see you!

9. Network! Network! Network!
(It's a small world and you will be surprised at how many
wonderful "coincidences" life really holds!)

10. Because you're still upset that you were only voted runner-up for something... (but we really can't remember!)

11. Enjoy an evening out without the Grandkids.
(don't worry, you might even be home before the news comes on...)

12. You've always wondered what happened to...
(umm, can't remember!)

13. Show off your pictures of (your family, kids, grandkids, hot date, pets, car, vacations, etc.)!

14. Renew old friendships. There's really nothin' like
an "old" old friend!

15. Renew not so old friendships, meet new friends!

16. Get the latest gossip, as well as can be remembered.

17. Because if you don't show up, you might be
the subject of that gossip
(if anyone can  remember!)

18. See and be seen.
(Because we might not remember, but it's fun to people watch!)

19. See if that old crush is still what you thought they were,
or as you thought you remembered!
(the more some things change, the more
some things stay the same...
and the fun is in trying to figure out the difference!)

20. Because you're curious and you HAVE to know what everyone has been doing for the last 50 years. 

21. Did we mention there would be lots of FUN??

22. You love reunions!

23. You have nothing better to do.
(sitting or napping on the couch doesn't count...)


24. Because you want to go where everyone knows your name...
(they just can't always remember!!!)

25. To talk about the "good ol’ days"! When we were "young",
carefree and life seemed so simple...
(What we can remember!) 

26. You’ll laugh, cry and reminisce with some of your oldest friends.   

27. We're going to play music that you "remember" (bring on the REAL music!) and maybe even understand, and that you can actually dance to!

28. Even if you didn't like school, don't fret about it,
you'll most likely find something to laugh about
now after all these years!!

29. Because you know you really want to!

30. You don't have to lie about your age.
(well you can try, but some will catch on...
Even if we did officially turn into our parents!)

31. Did we mention there would be lots of FUN??

32. It gives you a chance to humor those who have tried to plan these things...deluded die-hards that have hope that somewhere,
somehow it is going to make a difference...

33. Because some of us want an excuse to go back "Home"
....if only for a weekend!

34. Because we really want to see you!!!!
Who knows when there might be another reunion!!?

35. And finally, studies have shown that those who were initially hesitant about attending their reunions, discover it was
THE event that they wouldn't have missed!

LIFE Happens..Get up, Get dressed, Show up...

Betchya you'll be glad you did!!!!
(and so will everyone else!)

Please help us make it a Night to Remember!!!!!



1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is
with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county;
to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.







A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for their reunion dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there wear low cut blouses.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group again pools their thoughts and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group again decides to discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group again discusses where they should meet for reunion dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group again discusses where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.





Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, 'Surely I can't look that old?' Well, you'll love this one:

While sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 30 years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St. Peter's High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Spartan," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1979. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?"

 "Rekindled friendships often burn more brightly."

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.







Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my 30th high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.  My wife asked, "Do you know her?".  "Yes," I sighed.  "She's my old girlfriend.  I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn't been sober since."  "Oh my goodness!" said my wife.  "Who'd think a person could go on celebrating that long?"...see, there really are two ways to look at everything!